week 33: a lil ode to fresno

August 22, 2019

week 33: a lil ode to fresno

I got everything I need and nothing that I don’t -Homegrown, Zac Brown Band

Fresno has been a real treat. I’m so grateful that I got sent down here for the month of August - one of the coldest, foggiest months in SF so I sure felt like a bird migrating south for the winter. Someone described Fresno as “summer camp” – which is apt considering the cute lil apartment they set us up in and all the free foods and the faculty who were excited about all they had planned for us.

I remember the day we drove in, I didn’t end up eating lunch until 3 PM and a girl gets hangry. We went to this giant suburban burger place with huge booth seats and a thick menu – the joy of taking that first bite and bopping along to the country music playing in the background, everything just felt right. It didn’t take long for me to rediscover my love for country; it was the background music to my life for years growing up in Georgia but it wasn’t ever something that I really sought out. I realized though that I’ve always appreciated lyrics that tell a story, the way some songs make me want to slow down and roll my windows down (and cruise! Anyone??). Less than my first week, I had a country playlist that made the perfect backdrop for every drive on these Fresno roads. There’s something special about making a willing choice to go back to something you came from.

Fresno has the small town vibes that take me back, the swaths of farmland make me a little nostalgic for a life I’ve never lived. There’s pockets of hipster neighborhoods and more artisan restaurants than I can name. And there’s a significant Indian American population – it’s a strong presence having so many faces that look like mine. I don’t have to explain my existence in a way that I felt burdened with growing up. I feel like I fit right in. And I have my pick of homemade meals (all priced at small town prices which has been a treat for this city gal- $8 for two days worth of bomb chana masala and garlic naan!).

Fresno has been filled with favorite moments. Strolling through the art studios of the mural district during Art Hop. The first view of El Capitan and Half Dome when driving into Yosemite Valley. German chocolate ice cream that tasted like the cake had been melted down and turned into fluffy goodness. Getting featured on a vegan taco truck’s Instagram. Dripping sweat onto the mat during my hot yoga sessions - and walking out to the cool relief of 90 degree weather. Discovering an Indian lunch buffet near my rural family medicine clinic in the middle of vast farmland. Stopping by fruit stands on the side of the road, complete strangers peeling open oranges for me and giving them to me for free. The endless farmer’s markets with artisan wares and organic produce (getting $10 of raspberries for $5 at the River Park Farmer’s Market!). How everyone holds the door open for the people behind them. Feeling thick waves of warmth blow into me on 100 degree days, every time I step outside feeling like I’m being wrapped in a hug by nature. Finding a few lil tokens from Georgia at an old antique store in Clovis. Going to $5 country concert and eating my chana masala and fresh strawberries while hearing the singers and songwriters of top country songs perform right in front of me. Peeking into a telescope that a group of strangers set up outside the mall every weekend and seeing the contours of the moon up close. The number of stunning Fresno sunsets where the sky fades into coral and lavender behind silhouettes of the trees. And of course driving around town with my windows down, elbow perched on the windowsill, blasting my country playlist.

In highlighting these moments, I don't mean to imply that there were no lows. At first, a colleague and mine were assigned to a double room when there were other three bedroom apartments that housed one person and the admins couldn't help us out of it (we sorted things out on our own and I got my own bedroom and bath for the month but yeesh it was a close call). My toilet got clogged the second day I was here. Our first few days of psych ended up being really long (like the attendings and residents left right at 5PM when we were just starting our psych notes); that coupled with 100-degree weather that wiped me out, I was so drained one week in. Psych had plenty of challenges of its own. I had high hopes for the block - learning psych but also using my spare time to write creatively, read for pleasure, work on my research, go to hot yoga, step up my workouts, connect back with some advocacy work, check off the little red tape items that have been on my to-do list for months, explore Fresno, shadow in the ED (okay LOL yes I'm aware that I do this to myself) - anyways and it felt like I was behind on my goals (I settled in a little better by week two and managed getting most of that done by the end of the month). There were moments I felt lonely - in some ways this town reminded me of Athens and I missed my college friends, of course my med school friends were so far away too, and I blame country music for intermittently making me long for a romantic partner to ride tractors with.

I saw a sign that called Fresno “America’s Best Small Town” and I believe it. This place is charming and being so welcomed here has allowed me to see my past in a new light. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become less self-conscious about being brown, I feel less and less of a need to explain my existence or tuck myself into the box that I’m expecting others to limit me to. I’m more at peace and even grateful with having grown up in a small little Southern town full of its own kind of magic. My month in Fresno was a break from the pace of city life, and a good reminder that I can always slow down and soak in the little moments no matter where I am. Fresno will always have a place in my heart!

So until next time – see you soon SF <3

xoxo

Juhi

PS some cute pics from the month: